In my (close to) four years stay here in Dubai, I have tried to be involved in the kitchen 'more' rather than just being in bed and watch TV (or read).

I have always been vocal to people (everybody) that I am not a good cook. I can bake... toss a salad... but never do 'homegrown' meals.

Rob knew that.

That's why when we lived 'on our own' (literally)... I had to really look through the internet for recipes. I even had to blew dust from my recipe books because they were tucked away... very deep...

I know, I have bragged about my 'kare-kare' (thanks to Mama Sita's kare-kare mix!)... yet I think I have not reached Rob's expectations.

A lot of sighs, irritated looks, angry stares... just because of my cooking.

I wanted to cook (now more than ever!) however whenever I get these comments from Rob... I just lose faith... I become demotivated.

I know I cannot cook 'homegrown' meals but I try ... and also, I did not come from a family where cooking 'bulalo' or 'kare-kare' or whatever has been practiced. Nope. My mom would just cook or should I say saute vegetables... or boil meat and then put whatever ingredients we have on the fridge!

I'm just depressed (again) because one of the conversations of the day was (gulp!) about my cooking. I wanted to scream awhile ago but decided not to.

It's just... I don't know... I just want to be complimented or at least acknowledged for the effort I'm doing. I know this is one of our (as a woman) responsibilities... but I'm trying... I'm sooo f**king trying... at least give me some credit for it...

** Forgive my writing if you see some errors... (most likely its the tenses - I KNOW!) I just have to write this! Hopefully, I can transform this into a short story and submit it!)

Once upon a time... in a far away land... there lived a prince and princess who was bound to be one... The king and the queen of both kingdoms were not against the couple however they are not that pleased with the situation but decided to deal with it.

However one day, in the deep dark forest while the princess was busy singing and dancing with the animals, a handsome, young prince from the Kingdom of Arabia saw her. He  was captivated by her beauty and the kindness she has shown with the animals.

The princess felt someone was looking at her. She turned around and saw the prince. Strong arms, bright eyes and perfect lips. He also imbibes a commanding presence. He must be a soldier, the princess thought.

She looked at his direction and smiled. This encouraged the prince to go and meet her. Then he stopped.

He hesitated and thought of his princess waiting for his return. Anxiously waiting for his return. However, he decided that if this will be his last day on earth, he would want to meet this beautiful princess.

He slowly walked to her direction. The princess, wanting to speak to this intriguing prince as well, smiled.

They shook hands and without any ado, started a colorful conversation.

The conversation went on for hours. Both ignored the time and the 'look' the villagers have been giving them.

The prince looked at the sun as it slowly sets and said, "I'll see you soon here."

The princes smiled and said... "I will be getting married next week. I would like to invite you to attend the grand ball. Bring your lovely princess with you. I bet we will have a lot of things to discuss."

The prince was stunned but nevertheless did not show it. He bade goodbye to the beautiful princess who has captured his mind and heart.

As for the princess, she, too, was captivated by the prince's intelligence and charm but knew that this was not the right way to do it. Her prince awaits for her return. However, she will always remember the prince from Arabia as a dear friend.

I think I am having one of the worst week of my life.

A lot of decisions... good and bad... were done over the past week which is affecting my week now.  

A lot of things had also happened over the last week... things that are clouding my mind right now... making me 'fragile' and at the same time 'incompetent'?

I think TODAY is my wake-upper that I should end this!

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I think I feel lost for the past few months... over everything!

My soul searching is always being interrupted by work, personal life and other things.

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I think I have to put a stop to that 'soul searching' business and concentrate more on my job or else I might lose it!

No... the boss did not ask me to leave or something. He likes how I do my work but the thing is, I cannot allow myself to be incapable.

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I don't know if I'm just being too hard on myself.

The boss had a meeting today. We both thought it's in the morning as it said 8:30-9:00 (GMT) Edinburgh, Lisbon, London.

It turns out the meeting is for 11:00AM, Dubai! Geesh... The boss was already shouting and screaming to the person who set up the meeting... only to find out that the boo-boo was on our end. We were on a different time zone.

I was suppose to notice that!!!! I was suppose to!!! Being the secretary and all, but I was too preoccuppied!!! :(

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I don't know why I cannot handle criticism well... in this situation, I am not being criticised yet, I'm soo bothered.

By the way, I have not apologised for what happen (Should I?)

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Back to work.