I want to record this day as a HAPPY DAY!!

It is for a lot of reasons:-

1) I got my book with my two 60-words short stories in it. Yeap my Wonderful World of Worders arrived, my cheque and my congratulatory note from the people who have worked hard to get this book done and published (with a lot of great publicity). I was sooooo happy I wanted to jump awhile ago... I just couldn't because there was a meeting going on inside my boss' office.

2) Dinner with a friend. My dear friend (which I, at times, call 'boyfriend') and I had dinner together. It was suppose to be on Saturday but then he got tied up. We went to a chinese restaurant at the Shangri-la Hotel. It was good (both the food and the conversation!). I just realise that I miss that 'kind' of relationship with my other friends (especially those back home --- make a note... when I see you, I want food and conversation -- with a dash of gossip! hehehe).

During dinner, my 'boyfriend' and I talked about the ordeal I had to go through last year. It felt different talking about it now. I could recall bits and pieces about the emails and the conversations but not the feeling. I guess, I'm healing... slowly. I'm in no rush but I felt light. I was still shaking when I was telling me 'boyfriend' about the situations and scenarios that had happened but it did not ruin my evening. I did not feel teary-eyed... I did not feel miserable.

So, today is a good day...

** Decided to post this even if it's 1:30AM in the morning now because I don't want you all to think that I'm in a major depressed mode... I'm happy actually... I'm really happy with all the things happening around me... I guess God does give us these trials we encounter everyday in order for us to appreciate what He has given us. I guess... **

Yesterday (24 October) marked our first year of officially living independently.

Technically, we are living independently, making our own decisions... in other words, running our own life.

I thought it'd be hard but no! it's one of the fantastic moment of my life. I please no one but Rob... I give Rob my undivided attention (unless it's work related)...

It's fun.

---

The office is hectic because we are close to completing the project (will try to post pictures later) as well as opening a new one within the development. I'm cool because I'd still be working with the same boss however some have to go and new faces will be arriving soon.

I hope it's still be fun and easy for this new project.

---

I'm thinking about a lot of things right now. Like what should the future be for me and Rob. I'm thinking if we should now move forward - but how? move forward like MOVE to another country and start over? or just STAY and try to survive the rat race?

I'm thinking about my dream...since I was a little girl... to become a writer. I'm thinking if I can still do that.

I'm thinking about the people I've met for the past year. The friends I have made on my own. How many acquaintances have I turned down because someone told me to do so.

I'm thinking about the things I have accomplished. How I manage to be where I am and at the same time still enjoy it (though most of the time I complain).

I'm thinking about the things that I want to do...

I'm thinking about babies... about having my own family... I'm thinking... can I do it? Will I be able to raise my own children...

Just thinking that's all..

These past few days... I have been a non-participant but a mere observer of what's happening in the social network scene.

I see friends message each other about meeting up, catching up from where they left off, discussing gossips that is totally oblivious to the third person, or just dropping a 'hi' message to let them know that their friend is very much alive.

I have shared these observations with my dear friend and also told him that I want to be a participant and be able to reach out to my friends but apart from that, I am having a hard time to gain some 'personal time' for me... yes, just me. To be intimate with friends, buy gifts for no reason at all... stuff like that. Things that make you feel giddy inside and make you realise that the world is a nice place to live in and that your position / status has a bearing... you have a purpose.

'You need to make time for it Rach'

That's what he told me.

I know...

I think I'm a people-pleaser. I feel bad if I am not able to grant a friend or someone's wish knowing I can do it for them. I feel sad after turning them down but I think I better start doing that. Saying 'no' so that I can have my 'me time'.

Having my 'me time' would include writing my stories, improving on my craft and maybe... writing a daily journal to further improve my skills.

I think that's what I'll do...

I have to do it!