Motime has been with me ever since I learned about blogging. All my angst are there... some happy moments are there too...

However, I noticed that it was more of the rants but not so much about the good things that happened to me or to us...

Since I am beginning a new chapter in my life, I decided to do the brave thing and move out.

Move out of my comfort zone...

So goodbye motime!

In case you still want to see me, i'll be here

Whew! It's been a long time since I've written (again)...

A friend has left motime and joined another social group. I have also been with motime for a long time now and I have to say, no major upgrades have happened since then.

Other blogging sites have already transformed themselves either to be used as photo-storage or added 'widgets' on the page which makes it more exciting for other people (subscribing to the site or otherwise known as 'RSS feed').

I admit that I am also a user of other blogging sites but still I find my way back to motime.

I don't know if it's because of the simplicity of the site or it's because I'm too attached with the things I have posted in here.

With friends moving out of this network, I'm thinking if I should to. I don't want to maintain a lot of websites just because... I mean I want to feel at home... feel that I'm in the right place and I still feel that in here... but...we'll see. 

(Rach is still thinking)

Rob and myself have been sitting at home for the past few days (1) when Bush came here and they had to close all... meaning ALL the roads ( I don't think it was such a big deal but hey it's just my opinion) and (2) when they asked us to go home because the water (meaning rain water) is already knee-deep in some areas.

We were bumming at home when news from the Philippines caught me a bit off (been hearing a lot of not-so-good news ).

Rob decided to treat me out and we went to the 'B' (Burjuman).

I was hesitant at first because I still have my cough and cold but I said to myself, What the heck! I need a breather anyway!

So off we went to the 'B' and headed straight to our favorite, Dunkin Donuts.

Over coffee and hot choco, we discussed stuff... my family, my obligations, our future, when should we have a baby and more stuff.

I don't know... Rob just listens to me and listens to me tell him about my obligations.

Sometimes I wonder when should I stop thinking about my family and think about the family I'm about to have? When should it all stop?

I'm not bragging but I think most of my working life, I have given them a portion of me.

I sighed... that was all I could do.

A statement I got while reading a forwarded email.

I had to stop there.

This is the second year after that incident... yet, I feel like it just happened yesterday... I know I have to let go of this 'feeling' for me to move on.

I keep telling people that I have indeed move on but I don't think I really have. I don't want to wallow on it when the people who caused damage to my life is happily leading their lives.

I guess, it's now time for me to really forgive and forget (but still be cautious). Maybe that was God's way of letting be in-charge of my life and not let anybody run it for me.

After the incident, I have explored a lot of things, done things which they have told me not to do and yet here I am married, happy and wanting more from life!

With what happened, I was able to figure out what I want and who I really am, not really affected by what other people say (except for my fashion sense :P).

This is it.

I'm ready now... to face them in case I see them on  the street.

I need to make peace with myself and let it go.

This is me letting go.

I thought of writing of how the year 2007 was for me...

then I decided to hold that thought...

and just say...

May all of you have a successful and prosperous new year!!!

I just don't understand why this has to happen...

I left them all smiling... happy... enjoying the full one month... no hint (well, there was on the last day)...

I ignored it because while waiting for our flight, constant 'sane' text messages were sent. Telling me how much they'd miss me and that I should take care of my husband and myself.

I lost track of them for a while because the 'real world' hit us and also, I had to bring myself to the office everyday (ugh -- just kidding!)... then

I cannot believe the news I'm hearing...

what? why? how? when?

I had to sit down while I listen to what they have to say... what they want me to do...

Why? why does it have to happen? I don't want to end up crying while we await for the coming of the new year... I want to be happy..

I guess, I just have to go to my trunkful of masks and wear one this new year.

I guess...

Will tell you more about it...

I just to let all my friends know that I am officially married!

Stories will be told soon..

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

I want to record this day as a HAPPY DAY!!

It is for a lot of reasons:-

1) I got my book with my two 60-words short stories in it. Yeap my Wonderful World of Worders arrived, my cheque and my congratulatory note from the people who have worked hard to get this book done and published (with a lot of great publicity). I was sooooo happy I wanted to jump awhile ago... I just couldn't because there was a meeting going on inside my boss' office.

2) Dinner with a friend. My dear friend (which I, at times, call 'boyfriend') and I had dinner together. It was suppose to be on Saturday but then he got tied up. We went to a chinese restaurant at the Shangri-la Hotel. It was good (both the food and the conversation!). I just realise that I miss that 'kind' of relationship with my other friends (especially those back home --- make a note... when I see you, I want food and conversation -- with a dash of gossip! hehehe).

During dinner, my 'boyfriend' and I talked about the ordeal I had to go through last year. It felt different talking about it now. I could recall bits and pieces about the emails and the conversations but not the feeling. I guess, I'm healing... slowly. I'm in no rush but I felt light. I was still shaking when I was telling me 'boyfriend' about the situations and scenarios that had happened but it did not ruin my evening. I did not feel teary-eyed... I did not feel miserable.

So, today is a good day...

** Decided to post this even if it's 1:30AM in the morning now because I don't want you all to think that I'm in a major depressed mode... I'm happy actually... I'm really happy with all the things happening around me... I guess God does give us these trials we encounter everyday in order for us to appreciate what He has given us. I guess... **

Yesterday (24 October) marked our first year of officially living independently.

Technically, we are living independently, making our own decisions... in other words, running our own life.

I thought it'd be hard but no! it's one of the fantastic moment of my life. I please no one but Rob... I give Rob my undivided attention (unless it's work related)...

It's fun.

---

The office is hectic because we are close to completing the project (will try to post pictures later) as well as opening a new one within the development. I'm cool because I'd still be working with the same boss however some have to go and new faces will be arriving soon.

I hope it's still be fun and easy for this new project.

---

I'm thinking about a lot of things right now. Like what should the future be for me and Rob. I'm thinking if we should now move forward - but how? move forward like MOVE to another country and start over? or just STAY and try to survive the rat race?

I'm thinking about my dream...since I was a little girl... to become a writer. I'm thinking if I can still do that.

I'm thinking about the people I've met for the past year. The friends I have made on my own. How many acquaintances have I turned down because someone told me to do so.

I'm thinking about the things I have accomplished. How I manage to be where I am and at the same time still enjoy it (though most of the time I complain).

I'm thinking about the things that I want to do...

I'm thinking about babies... about having my own family... I'm thinking... can I do it? Will I be able to raise my own children...

Just thinking that's all..

These past few days... I have been a non-participant but a mere observer of what's happening in the social network scene.

I see friends message each other about meeting up, catching up from where they left off, discussing gossips that is totally oblivious to the third person, or just dropping a 'hi' message to let them know that their friend is very much alive.

I have shared these observations with my dear friend and also told him that I want to be a participant and be able to reach out to my friends but apart from that, I am having a hard time to gain some 'personal time' for me... yes, just me. To be intimate with friends, buy gifts for no reason at all... stuff like that. Things that make you feel giddy inside and make you realise that the world is a nice place to live in and that your position / status has a bearing... you have a purpose.

'You need to make time for it Rach'

That's what he told me.

I know...

I think I'm a people-pleaser. I feel bad if I am not able to grant a friend or someone's wish knowing I can do it for them. I feel sad after turning them down but I think I better start doing that. Saying 'no' so that I can have my 'me time'.

Having my 'me time' would include writing my stories, improving on my craft and maybe... writing a daily journal to further improve my skills.

I think that's what I'll do...

I have to do it!